it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
