3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
