i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
