Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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