Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
