I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
