I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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