he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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