Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
