I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
