In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
