We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize