Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
