i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
