Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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