there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
