I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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