Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
