Apparently you make a good broom.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
