Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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