He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
