The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
