Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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