He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
