And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
