i don't like sucking hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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