...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
