put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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