thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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