i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
