barbara walters just said penis...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
