I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
