yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
