If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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