I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize