my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
