I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
