just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
