dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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