Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize