I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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