the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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