Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
