The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I want is dick and wine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
