I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
