used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
