I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
