Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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