If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
