I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize