I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
