i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
