I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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