Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
