I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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