I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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