i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
