it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
