He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
