he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
