i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
