In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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