If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
