I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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