So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
