I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
