I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
