I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
