I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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