Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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