That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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