I think I am morally bankrupt
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
