I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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